Glass Falcon Cradled

(stream of conciousness daydream written approx. nov 2018 in response to glass from Stockholm visit at that time) 

(Entering the melancholic womb land)

I cannot find her. She doesn’t exist.

The joy is gone. Im living vicariously through a glass prism of shifting women I cannot find, the photo booth, the photo booth. I don’t want to enter the contact zone. Im gonna be sick

This is ridiculous. Somebody please snap me out of it.

I want to swim out to sea with my brother and laugh at the whole world. He is the only one who understands. I love him. Lets swim further out so dad cannot hear us. Ha, his head looks like a tiny little beached pea from here!

Maybe we should let him off?

Sean, lets listen to music and drink, I shouldn’t invite you because I know when to stop, you don’t, you don’t come home.

Im literal to the point of losing all objectivity

I thought once I had found the ‘it’, I would have it forever, that I’d get to keep it. You want to be dead? The ‘it’ is the interval?

I am embarrassed by joy.

I watched the film ‘the others’ last night, and the little brother and sister reminded me of us. I love you to infinity. Im drunk on endearment.

Why?

You said anyone could make collages the way I do, that it was nothing fresh- why did this bring me joy? If im mean to you you’re always the first to cry; You are so sensitive!

One of us had to mutate to save the other. Lets take turns, maybe then we will last longer? Divine balance?

You drink the extra drink for my substance-less alcoholism. Im drunk on the liquid ‘it’. Im intoxicated through drinking the nothing.

you shouldn’t glamorize vertigo, it is dangerous.

I’m an enabler.

I created a good joke. It goes ‘what do you call teeth in love?’
the answer…’enamelled’. I felt like a genius in that I had participated in the ‘BIG joke’. I had really understood things with that joke. I was really in the ‘know’; it was global and moved as the viral moves.

It was so good it almost felt like an object in itself, like a seashell, a gastropod born from my mouth.

we are drifting further out. I am jealous because your scream is louder than mine; they will rescue you first. Who pulled the short straw? I cannot tell as I am busy tapping ice cubes with it.

The rescuers have arrived.
Don’t worry, I will deal with them.

I am going to perform ‘active passion’ now and be very direct. My request is: fetch me a falcon and I will speak. Otherwise how can you speak to the everywhere? You have to look someone in the eyes when you are speaking to them.

And I don’t like what you are making of my ‘head’. You are making of it a terminus and trying to convince me my head is an origin. It is not. Stop with all the dizzy spiralling. You are ludicrous! Fetch the falcon and it will speak on my behalf. I’m gonna prove it to you. There is no X on this map.

No treasure?

to the contrary, I have experiential evidence…

I visited Stockholm and found myself in the cold- I took a photo. I have an ACTUAL photo. How can you argue with that? It is verifiable! See, I told you I saw it. My voice is a camera flash. The falcon will catch you back!

Now don’t ruffle my feathers!

(I am waterproof.)

Am I being self absorbed? Something is absorbing. Imagine if louis wain put his cats back together? That is an example of self-absorbtion. The photo is just an example. Don’t read into it too much. Don’t read at all.  

There is infact an X on the map. It is the venoms host animal. Lets pass through it and neutralize. But Please don’t lose me in the sobering process.

Women just want to drink red wine and make love. but the new Women will want to ingest mushrooms and do yoga I am told.

Can I speak paranoia without the thinking? I’ll tell you. When I lose myself to the world I feel everything in motion, shifting. It is more volant speed than terrestrial solidity.  I feel like I am moved by a common principle. I’m passing through. Don’t get stuck on the information, it will make you sticky. That is important I think.

Do you think I have ‘too much’ personality to the point of appearing ‘fake’, is it convincing?
Cant my name be instead ‘too much’? TooMuchy?
Or…
Not-A-Noughy?
Or…JustRighty?
…Sheer’delighty?
(I like the word ‘just’. It is a totalizing seashell.)

You are evading reality. You are disassociating. Come back. I was never gone?
Wake up????? I don’t know what you are saying, you’ve lost me.